Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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