I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
