I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
