i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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