There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
