I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
