Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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