Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
