Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
