i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
