I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
