You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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