i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
