The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
