maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
