I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
