i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't notice because vodka
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
