She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
