when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
