Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
