When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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