I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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