so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
