this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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