Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so much tequila, so little girl.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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