Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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