3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
