can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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