Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
