I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
