The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Drake has all the answers
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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