dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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