also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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