He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
