i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
