aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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