I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
