I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
