shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
