Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
