You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
