I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
