I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
