saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
