Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
