yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
