Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
