The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
