i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
