it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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