I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were trust falling into bushes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
