I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
