im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
